


Conversations In The Dark

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: A one shot, fits in with everything canon so far. Aaron has a nightmare that isn't of the usual variety. I let this go where it wanted to, so interesting things came up!





	

“No… no…” Aaron murmured, writhing in his sleep. Robert stirred awake, hearing Aaron mutter. He used to be a heavy sleeper but he’d become so attuned to Aaron’s occasional nightmares that his voice normally woke him.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Robert soothed, trying to talk him down, but not touching him. Robert could touch him after a nightmare, but only when he was fully awake. Otherwise he violently lashed out.

“No, make it stop…” Aaron moaned. Taking a risk, Robert reached out to touch him, to shake him awake.

“Come on, you need to wake up,” Robert told him, still shaking him. Aaron did, blinking his eyes, breathing heavily as he tried to come back to reality. “You’re safe,” Robert reminded him calmly. “It’s okay.”

“No,” Aaron said, getting out of bed so quickly that it was all Robert could do to watch him in surprise. Usually after a Gordon nightmare, once he’d returned to reality, Aaron almost always curled up against him, wanting the comfort of someone he trusted to hold him. Aaron opened the window, and stood stock still breathing in the cold autumnal air.

“Talk to me,” Robert said, perching on the bottom of the bed to be closer to him, but not getting within touching distance. “What is it?”

“Nightmare,” Aaron grunted, still breathing in the cold air, trying to calm down.

“I guessed,” Robert said. “I meant more specifically.” Aaron still seemed reluctant which surprised Robert. After his nightmares, Aaron usually spoke easily, almost spilling his soul with things he couldn’t bear to keep in any longer. Robert had heard things he never wanted to think about again, even though it helped Aaron to talk. They were dark things that neither of them spoke about in the daylight. So this reluctance to speak was a new one to Robert. “You can talk to me,” Robert said. “Nothing will shock me.”

“I can’t talk to you about it,” Aaron said. “I just can’t.”

“Is there something else?” Robert asked, feeling the fear fill him, standing up and walking closer to him, still not daring to touch him. “Something you’re holding back from me?” There was a long pause which Robert waited for him to fill.

“Jackson,” Aaron said quietly. Robert stayed perfectly silent as he absorbed that. They never spoke about him. Robert didn’t want to push and Aaron never volunteered.

“Oh?” Robert tried prompting eventually. “I can listen if you want to talk.”

“I can’t talk to you about it, Robert,” Aaron said instantly, still staring out of the window. “The last time we mentioned him, you…” Robert remembered and felt the guilt swamp him. The last time Jackson had been mentioned had been when Robert was shouting at Aaron at the scrap yard more than a year ago, saying as many vile things as he could manage, his words perfectly aimed to hurt Aaron.

“I didn’t mean them,” Robert said quietly. “Those things I said. I was angry and I was hurting and I lashed out. I wanted everyone to hurt as much as me. I feel so terrible for what I did to you. I… You could talk to me about him. If you wanted to, I won’t judge you for anything. And I will not throw it back in your face, I promise.”

“I find it… difficult to talk about him, because most memories I have of him, of us are bad or painful.”

“What was the nightmare about?” Robert tried instead.

“I was killing him,” Aaron said quietly. “Over and over again, I couldn’t stop it.” Robert couldn’t bear it any longer, he had to be touching him, he couldn’t cope with the distance. He put a hand against Aaron’s back lightly. Aaron didn’t shrug him off much to Robert’s relief. “Usually I can push it away, I don’t think about it all the time. But…”

“Is it me?” Robert pushed, unsure if he wanted the answer to that. “Is it…?” He didn’t quite know how to ask if Aaron would have preferred a life with Jackson over him, talk of the future being so fresh with their new engagement. It wasn’t a question Robert wanted to ask. For the first time since he’d woken up Aaron looked at him.

“I’m happy with you,” Aaron said honestly. “I’m… I like that we have a future together. But… Why do I get to be happy? How do I deserve it after everything I’ve done?”

“You were helping him,” Robert said quietly.

“It’s like… I’m not stupid, if he had never been… paralysed, I doubt we’d still be together, but… it was first love kind of thing, and… I don’t know,” Aaron gave up with a sigh. “I love you more than I did with him. And that feels so disloyal to say or even think, because he’s dead.”

“Aaron, you deserve to be happy,” Robert said. “More than anyone else I know.” Aaron moved and kissed Robert very gently, reassuring more than anything else.

“I don’t feel like I deserve it sometimes,” Aaron said weakly. Robert pulled him into a hug, holding him very tightly and Aaron took the strength from him. “I am happy with you,” Aaron said into his shoulder. “Part of me is waiting for it to all go wrong. Everything goes wrong around me.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” Robert said bluntly, pulling away from him. “I want to marry you, and I won’t change my mind.” They fell silent, neither knowing what more to say.

“I saw,” Aaron said quietly, changing the subject as they parted. “Yesterday, downstairs.”

“Saw what?” Robert tried.

“Robert…” Aaron growled at him. “I saw everything.”

Robert sighed heavily. “I…” He was cut off completely by Aaron’s lips crushed against his own passionately. Robert eyebrows raised in surprise but responded to the desperate kiss.

“You turned her down,” Aaron breathed when they parted.

“I told you I had before,” Robert said, almost gasping. “Did you not believe me?”

“I did,” Aaron said with a slight smile. “Was good to see though.”

_Aaron looked through the open door, freezing when he saw Rebecca pressing her lips to Robert’s. He felt a thrill of jealousy, anger, possessiveness and hurt mix into one instant powerful cocktail of emotion. Then Robert turned his head away and said a quiet, “no.”_

_“Come on, Robert,” Rebecca said. “I know you still want me.”_

_“No, I don’t,” Robert said, shaking his head. “I want to get my own back on Chrissie. I want to clear Andy’s name so he can come home. But I don’t want you.”_

_“Robert…”_

_“I’m engaged,” Robert said quietly, but with a firmness in his voice, his right hand touching the ring on his left softly. “And I want to be, more than anything. I don’t want you, or anyone else. I only want him.”_

_“Aaron wouldn’t know,” Rebecca teased, a glint in her eye._

_“Of course he would,” Robert said instantly. “I can’t lie to him, he looks at me and can see right through me. He’d know the very next time he saw me. And anyway, that isn’t the point. I wouldn’t do it to him. It would hurt him, and I love him. I’m not going to hurt him any more than I already have if I can help it. So try and fix your low self esteem with someone else.”_

_“Robert…”_

_“No,” he said. “It doesn’t matter how many times you offer it to me, my answer will be the same. I’ll be involved with you to clear my brothers name, and to get back at Chrissie. You know, the sister who failed to even call you when your father was on life support having been shot,” Robert reminded her._

_“Fine,” she said bitterly. “Can’t believe you’d ever do faithful.”_

_“Well, you’re seeing it,” Robert said briefly. “I love Aaron, and I don’t care what you, or your sister think about that.”_

_“You’re not gay, Robert,” Rebecca said with narrowed eyes._

_“I don’t like labels,” Robert countered. “And it’s none of your business. I’d like you to leave.”_

_That was the moment that Aaron chose to vanish, not wanting Robert to know he’d overheard. Though he felt a warm glow about him defending their relationship. Even though Robert said this was what he wanted, it felt incredibly good to see._

“You weren’t meant to hear that,” Robert said with a sigh.

“I know,” Aaron replied. “I’m glad I did, though.”

“I told you there was no one else,” Robert repeated, feeling a little annoyed that Aaron seemed to doubt him.

“I know,” Aaron said calmly. “But, it felt so good to see you turn her down. I mean, I don’t get it. Why you’d want me, but… it feels so good to know that you do.” Robert let his hand cradle Aaron’s face gently and kissed him lovingly, a soft, lingering kind of kiss and a promise of more to come.

“How’s your stomach?” Robert asked quietly, letting his fingers softly graze the wound. He knew where it was, even covered by a T shirt. Aaron grinned, knowing what he was really asking.

“Tomorrow,” Aaron whispered. The nightmare was too fresh, and he didn’t want to distract himself with sex, with the remnant of those horrible images still in his mind. Robert kissed him again before nodding to the bed. They both curled up against each other, wrapped in the duvet. Aaron kissed the space just behind Robert’s ear, making him shiver. “Robert…. you know…?”

“I know,” Robert replied, tightening his arms around him.


End file.
